haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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