That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize