Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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