My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
