Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
