i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
