she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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