matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
