hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
