So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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