chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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