Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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