the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
