I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
