and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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