Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
