$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
