Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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