i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
