I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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