I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
