New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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