We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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