Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
