god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
