my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
