We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
