No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
