no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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