I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is Oprah even human
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
