Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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