SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
