rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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