ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
