So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
