"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
