Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
