shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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