Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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