Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
