"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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