its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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