you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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