Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
