mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
