She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The Olympian is in my bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
