its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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