i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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