I am in a vortex of obligation.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize