Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My penis needs a shock collar
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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