I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
