His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
