This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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