I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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