Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
