he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
