Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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