She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
