He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
