Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
