"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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