my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
