I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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