Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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