OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
