it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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