Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
