Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
