My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
