Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
