I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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