I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
