Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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